i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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