what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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