I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
