he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
