i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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