I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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