i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
