i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
