its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
