Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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