"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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