So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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