What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
