I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
