I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My vagina just clenched in fear
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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