This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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