just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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