is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
