Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
