dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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