I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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