god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
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she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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