We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm always down for nudity.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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