three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
