Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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