I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
