I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
