i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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