I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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