last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
