Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
