this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
