dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
