I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
