I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Found your dick twin last night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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