I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
