I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
