if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
