i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
