i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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