I want to have your abortion
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up