i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.