I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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