Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He did a backflip because drugs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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