I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book