last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
