That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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