I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
