Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
