I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
