So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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