She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
