I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I had to cum in my sink.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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