Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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