hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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