We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
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So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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