She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
