If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
