did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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