I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
