You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
