Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
