mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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