I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
