We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
