I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
then he tried to convert me to islam
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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