Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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