It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
